And so it begins...

I promised to write the fun details of how we found out we were pregnant and how I told Ben. So here it goes :)

We took a trip to visit my sister and her family in Las Vegas for my 30th birthday during the second week of August and returned home that Friday evening. I was feeling a little different after we got back and I took a test on Tuesday but it came back negative. I was disappointed, but by this time we were used to getting a negative result. Later in the week, on Thursday, I was still not feeling great. I thought I was coming down with something but wasn't sure so I took another test while Ben was at work. I was standing at the counter in the bathroom waiting for the result, it was taking longer than normal but I still didn't think anything of it. Finally, after a couple of minutes, I looked down and saw this:

I almost feel over. I started to cry and laugh and had a whole slew of emotions wash over me (one of which was disbelief). I didn't have any tests left so I decided that I needed to run to Wal-mart and get a couple of more before I was sure. All the way to Wal-mart I chugged water and tried to keep from completely breaking down. After rushing home and pulling into the driveway I realized that I had left the garage door open and there was a stray cat making himself at home in our garage. After I ran around the garage trying to get the dumb thing out, I then realized I had not only left the garage door open but I had also left the door from the garage to the house unlocked. Do you think I had something else on my mind when I left? :)

After taking the other two tests and seeing positive results on all three I realized it was true! About five minutes after I came to that realization my friend Kate called to ask me a question. Using all the control within me I kept my voice normal, answered her question, and hung up without mentioning anything.

I then began to think about how I wanted to tell Ben our shocking news. I first sent him a text asking him if he could come home early. He knew I hadn't been feeling well but told me he couldn't. I then began to think through how to tell him. I didn't trust myself to drive anywhere to buy something special so I had to work with what I had. This is what I came up with:

As soon as Benjamin came home I told him I had bought him something that day. He seemed a little annoyed as he thought I had spent money on him. When he came inside I told him I wanted to show him my new chalkboard first. I flipped it over to show him the message. He asked me if I was serious and dropped his bag in shock. We laughed and celebrated in the kitchen and then as I sat on the couch he paced around the house saying "I can't believe it" over and over again. We decided to go ahead and call our families that day to tell them. We just couldn't keep it a secret! After dinner that night we went out to get milkshakes to celebrate.

A few weeks later we had our first doctor's appointment (at 8 weeks) and got to see our little Critter for the first time and listen to the heartbeat. It was so amazing!

That next week we began to tell our friends and church family the exciting news. We then took this photo and posted it on Facebook to make it "official" :)

We've since gone in for our second appointment at 15 weeks and everything checked out okay. We go back in a couple of weeks and hopefully find out the gender! We are so excited and can't wait!

Thanks again for all of your kind words, congratulations, and prayers. 

Turning Grief towards Hope: A Two Year Journey

+ Yes. (and with that our lives are forever changed)

Benjamin and I are expecting our first child. Just typing that makes me smile. Before I get into the whole how we found out and our reactions, I wanted to start this post a little differently and to do so I have to go back almost 3 years.

2010: We moved to Colorado at the end of July and felt we were settled and ready to start a family. Up till now we did not quite feel ready for that step - living in Louisville, with Ben in school and me working full-time, it didn't seem like the "right time" for us. But after moving to Colorado and with Ben working full-time and me not really having to work at all, the timing seemed right, perfect if you will.

I am not lying when I say I did not expect to get pregnant that first month, I was a little disappointed that I wasn't, but knew these things took time. 3 months later I could begin to feel my disappointment increase with each passing month. Move ahead to 6 months, 9 months and then a year with nothing. We were both concerned but thought a quick trip to the doctors would fix everything.

Then we began what has been the year that I've gone through. We had test after test (some horribly painful) and always got the same result: "Great news! There is nothing wrong!" While that was great news it was also so frustrating. If there was nothing wrong, why were we not yet pregnant?

I tried a medication called Clomid for several months and while we didn't get pregnant, I did grow another head and become the most unreasonable, sad, happy, angry, sullen (you fill in the emotional blank) person that I have ever come across. It was awful.

During that year we grieved every month that went by and I felt myself letting my grief turn to despair and bitterness at times. I would become so upset and angry with God, trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, or what I was not doing right. Did I need to spend more time in prayer? Read my Bible more? The list goes on. I know these things do not determine the will of God (I've told my youth group girls this more than once) but when you are in that moment, you feel like you will do anything to get the outcome you desire.

In April, Ben went to a conference by himself in Louisville and I stayed home. That week God really began to work on me. It started with the sermon on Sunday and continued through the rest of the week. God, in His great Mercy, dealt so gently with me in my beaten down state and yet was firm in what He revealed to me through His Word. I had replaced my desire for God with a desire for a child. Now don't get me wrong, desiring a child is not a wrong or ungodly desire, but when I allowed it to consume me and drive my every thought and action, it was. I had turned something very special and God-given into something that I longed for more than anything else.

It was a rough transition, and I would be lying if when the next month rolled around I didn't think "Okay God, I've learned my lesson, please give me what I want!". It did however, become easier to deal with.  Not easier in that it didn't hurt as much, but easier in that I was resting in my Savior and trusting in Him and His will for my life.

A couple of months after this Benjamin and I decided that I would stop taking the "crazy pills" and we would take the summer to try to figure out what our next steps would be and make some big decisions.

The summer was going great. We were enjoying events with the youth group, our families and doing research on the side of possible medical options and adoption to pursue come the fall. Ben and I have had a heart for adoption for sometime and reading Adopted for Life was a great book for us to read. I also attended a women's conference in Florida and sat in on a session titled "The Snare to Compare" and it really convicted me. We also had a guest speaker (Kevin DeYoung) come to our church in August and preach out of Matthew 20 which proved to be very comforting as well. We were doing okay. Still sad each month but not allowing our grief to turn to bitterness, but to hope.

Then came my 30th birthday. It was rough. I felt I had been doing so well these past 6 months or so and then BAM! I am 30 with not a baby in sight. We had traveled to Las Vegas to spend time with my sister and her family and that was wonderful. It helped to be with family during a time when my grief and anger reared it's ugly head.

Then about a week after we got home, we found out we were pregnant! It was quite a shock. We were already looking to the next couple of months and following through with some of the decisions we had made. We were pleased, delighted and scared. It now feels like there is another idol that can take hold in my life. Fear. Fear of something happening to our baby, fear of not being a great mom, just fear of the unknown. That's part of the reason I'm writing this. To remind myself of how graciously God has dealt with me in the past, and how no matter what, He will not give me more than I can handle.

I'll write again soon with all the fun stories and photos of our discovery, but for now I wanted to share our story with you. Thank you for those who knew of our trial and prayed for us and to those who may not have know the details but prayed for us anyway :)

Meet Karl...

the newest member of our household!

We started the hunt for a new sofa once we moved into our new house. We host the youth group every Tuesday night and with numbers in attendance reaching near 20 we decided now was the time.

This is what our living room looked like before (minus the shelves and some other things we have added since this picture was taken):

Not bad, but not a great use of space.

We decided on this sofa (in Isunda Grey) and choose to purchase the sofa for each other for Christmas and we also received some money from Ben's family to put toward it as well.  

We took a marathon trip to IKEA with my friend over at ohwrite and her husband and we all got more than just a sofa.

Ben and I decided to purchase nightstands for each other for Valentine's Day (sensing a theme?). I know not very romantic, but I have discovered that after buying a house I am more open to those kinds of gifts.  We had decided on these tables. 

We picked up two in boxes, but after walking through the scratch and dent section, we found actually Kate found it, I walked right by it, the exact same one with not a scratch or dent on it for $20 less! I am guessing someone returned it because the drawer caught when you opened it, but after a closer inspection it was just because they had put one screw in backwards. Their failure was our triumph!

We also picked up some random items, picture frames, more fabric, etc. This was our haul (combined with our friends) after just a couple hours.

 

Luckily we had borrowed a pickup from Brett's parents, so it didn't take much to get things loaded. 

I know it totally looks like Ben did all the loading, but somewhere in this photo Brett is also lifting. The guys who help you load things at IKEA were impressed (and so were we) with how Ben and Brett (also know at Brip) lifted the entire shrink-wrapped package in the back and shouted at them "That's how we do it too!" 

Here's shot of Brett just to prove he was there and helping.

We got everything home and began the unpacking process. It was a little overwhelming but in no time we were assembling.

We then hit our first problem. We were missing a bolt that fastens a bracket to the corner piece to hold one of the side pieces (if that makes sense). Ben ran to Lowes to try to find a substitute while I cleaned up the house laid on the cushions in the living room floor and watched TV. Had I been smart, I would have checked all the other pieces before he left to make sure we had everything else but I didn't.

After he got home we realized that NONE of the nuts fit ANY of the bolts. It was like the threads were off or something. Ben then left again (this time to Ace Hardware) and came back with 16 nuts that would fit the bolts. While he was gone I contorted my body to fit on this tiny section of the sofa.  This was over 90 minutes into the process and I wanted to sit on it for goodness sakes!

                                           

Finally we had all the pieces and began the assembly. And here he is...

I love the finished look of it and I really love lounging on it! It fits perfectly and seems like it was made for our space.  I am now on the lookout for a round-ish ottoman to break up some of the lines and for a fun fabric to recover my chair that goes in the corner. (You can see the chair in the first picture but it is now in the other corner).

It really helps out on Tuesday nights with the youth group and after our first meeting I found out that chocolate and melted Jolly Ranchers come out pretty easily (The new rule is only soda and chips on the sofa). :) 

I am still trying to decide if I want to paint or stain the legs. They are still birch for now but don't be surprised if they get the ORB treatment!

You Asked For It

 I have several people ask me to explain some of the stuff from a previous post, so here you go!

• We bought the shelves in the living room from Ikea. They were $14.99 each. You can find them here.

• The drawing of our house that I gave to Ben I found while reading on of my favorite blogs Young House Love. It made by Jennifer Ahnquist from Kentucky. She had a Christmas in June special when she was featured on YHL and I jumped at the deal. I think she charges $90 normally for the same size that I got.

• Bookcase in the dining room is also from Ikea. It is the Expedit in black-brown and was $129.  

• Painting the chevron in the bathroom. Okay this one I didn't really use just one site for this project,  I googled the heck out of painting stripes, chevron, painting textured wall, etc. I also got a great tip from my friend and her husband over at oh write.  They told me to use paintable caulk on the tape lines before I painted so I wouldn't have too much bleed through. It totally worked! Here is the step-by- step process: 

1. I began by measuring the walls all the way around so I would know how many chevrons I needed (odd numbers are always better). 
2. I then began to measure every 8.5 inches around the ceiling about 1.5 inches down. 
3. I then basically followed this sites instructions on what to do next.
4. I can't remember if they did the paint along the tape or the caulk but I did both! I painted first with the main wall color and then spread the caulk all along the paint lines. 
5. I said a prayer and removed the tape after I finished my second coat (while it was still damp) and almost perfect. I only had a few touch-up spots mostly where I was careless with the roller. 

•  DIY Light in the Laundry Room. I got this idea from YHL once again (great blog with awesome step-by-step instructions). I changed a few things. There was no light in the room so I hung a light kit (IKEA $3.99) and then plugged it into a Dimmer switch that I was able to attach to the wall by the door. The light fixture itself is hung on the ceiling with three ceiling hooks, not wire. Since the wall comes down in the front I was able to do that without being able to see it. Also my clothespins don't go all the way to the top. It already weighed a ton so I just went up most of the way and you can't tell unless you are right under it which is hard to because of the washer and dryer :) 

• Future Projects: 

1.  A counter-top (or something) to mount just above the washer and dryer for a more built in look. 
2. Painting walls in the stairwell, upstairs hallway, office, bathroom, mini hallway, master bedroom, master bathroom (painted the bedroom a few weeks ago!) and water-closet. 
3. Paint the ceiling in the stairwell (ack), hallway, office, master bedroom, bathroom and water-closet. 
4. Replace the carpet in the living room
5. Buy a new couch for the living room (this may happen really soon!)
6. Move old couch into basement and organize the basement. 
7. Build shelves in the garage and possibly basement.
8. Hang curtains in the Master bedroom
9. Replace the carpet upstairs (this will be way down the road since the carpet is in great condition, just not my favorite).
10. Do something to spruce up the railing in the stairwell (not sure what yet). 
11. Finish the basement (sigh, someday it will be a bedroom, bathroom, and rec room...someday).
12. etc, etc, etc, etc (I know I am forgetting some stuff so I will just say I think the stuff above will take us awhile).

Busy Bees....

I have been out-of-control busy the past few weeks and with every thing I was doing I thought "I should write a post about this" and then I didn't. It's the thought that counts though, right?

So I could drag this out into several posts but we have some dear friends coming into town tonight (Leggs and Quiglet), so I think blogging will be the last thing on my mind while they are here. So yes, I am cramming, shoving, and squeezing several things into one looooooong post, if you don't like it then don't read it :)

We started getting really busy about a month ago when we had some guests (Ben's sister's family) stay with us for a week. It was so much fun to see them and explore Colorado with them. Here is  a cute picture of us:

The week after they left we had kind of an end of the summer craziness with the youth group that included a trip to Elitch Gardens, a lock-in, Sky Sox Baseball game and cook out all in a matter of 4 days. Needless to say we were worn out! So we took a week-ish break from all things home improvement :)

Ok so that brings us to the second week of August (My birthday week if you will):

Project One: Shelves In The Living Room and Dining Room

This was a pretty basic improvement. We went to Ikea and bought some shelves and put them together. Done.

Picture of the Living room before:

And now one of it after:

If you look on the shelf you can see the housewarming gift I bought for Ben. I really love it. I had it done by Jennifer Marie Designs and she did a great job!
Here's a closer look:

Isn't it great?

Okay now onto the dining room:

Before:

And after:

Please don't judge the lack of styling done on these shelves. I just threw some stuff on there (and yes there is pumpkin. I had just found it at  Homegoods and thought it was silly to pack it away to get back out in a month so I just left it out).

I didn't have much time for styling because we had more wonderful guests come into town.

 Doesn't Jefferson look so excited to be at the top of Pikes Peak? We had a great visit with Ben's brother's family but got right back in the swing of home improvement after they left.

 
Project Two: The Half Bath

I started this project the day after Ben's brother's family left knowing I only had three days to work on it and it took me all three days, working a few hours each day. I have always wanted to try this and the small bathroom seemed like the perfect place to try it. Are you ready for this?

Our half bath went from this:

to this beautiful thing:

 and this!

can I say that it is amazing looking even though I am the one that did it?
and I love the little peak inside going from this:

...and last but not least I did this last project last night while watching some Friday Night Lights (Ben and I just started Season 1 and LOVE it!)

Project Three: Laundry Room Light

Our laundry room had no light except for the one from the hallway so I decided to fix it Young House Love style.

It went from this, right after we moved in.

To this:

I painted it back in June. But I did not make the light until last night! Isn't it so cute? Here's another look at the light.

Made this whole thing (including the Ikea light kit) for less than $25! (Here's the DIY instructions for those who are interested :Young House Love Clothespin Light

So that's what we have been up to the past month. Crazy right? Hope you made it to the end of this marathon post. Because I think it was worth it!

I am going to go take a nap now to prepare for the Wood's arrival :)

The room in which we live...

If you read my last post then you saw the beginning photo of the living room and the orange that I was not a fan of. If not (or if you just need a reminder) here's a photo:

 

Ick huh? Well after painting the ceiling and testing about 10 different colors this is what we came up with and I love it!  I also hung up some new white curtains that are in the process of getting tie-backs.

 

 

We are planning a trip to IKEA next week where I plan to get some shelves and a few other items that I think will really make this room look even better! Stay tuned for more updates!

The long awaited post...

(well at least long awaited by my family (mostly sisters and mother who keep asking for pictures!)

Hey so we bought a house! I know I don't write on here for months and months...blah, blah blah.

Well so here it is!

We started house hunting back in April and this was the 30-ish house we saw and we loved it! It was a short sale but we thought it might go rather quickly due to the circumstances it was in. We were wrong. We put our offer in April 2nd and two weeks later found out that the bank had our paper work mixed up with another couple and we had to start back at square one.

Then about 6 weeks later we got the unofficial word that the house was ours "Hooray! And we should hear something in the next day or so "officially"... well that took about 2 weeks.

Finally on  Monday, June 6th (while we were looking at other houses, just in case) we got the call while we were with out Realtor (bless him because it was quite a roller-coaster) that the house was ours and that we were going to close on Thursday, June 16th! (For those of you who can't count that's just 10 days, and we still had to get the appraisal and inspection done) Due to some great work by out Realtor we got both of those things done in less than a week! We closed on June 16th, the day before Ben left town for a week and I left town for a little over 2 weeks!

The afternoon of closing I had to get something done on the house so we decided to start painting the ceilings.
They went from this:

 To this:

Thus our ceiling painting adventure begun. Since that day we have painted the ceilings in the Living room, dining room, half-bath, kitchen, guest room, mini-hall way, and guest bathroom. So much painting.

I will write another post soon with pictures because we have also painted over the orangey-gross color in the living room (PTL!) and painted the dining room, kitchen, 1/2 bath and guest room walls!

Thrifting...I die

I went thrifting with a friend of mine the other day and bought (quite possibly) my favorite thing ever!
I did spend a little more on them than I normally would but for something as unique as they are, I couldn't help myself!

Okay so brace yourself.....

 

I know right?

I love them! They are hand-carved and amazing. I need to go buy some candles for them so I can see them in all their glory. 

I think I need to name them but I am not sure.

I also got this little jewel.  

It was made in England and I love it.

My mother has a tin in her kitchen where she collects recipes that she cuts out of magazines or that are written on small cards. I think that is what I am going to use this one for. 


 

 All in all a good thrifting day

2011...Here we go!

Well it is a cold day here in Colorado, -14 right now but weather.com says it feels like -41...I'll take their word for it since I have no plans whatsoever to even look outside for fear of frostbite (and now I am going to turn up the heat b/c just thinking about it has made a very cold!)

Anyway with my work done for the day I though it would be a good time to post The Beswick 2011 Must Do List...so we are a month late...big deal :)

So here they are, in no particular order:  

Hike to the top of Pike's Peak - Read a new book every month - Climb the Incline - Buy a House - Go on a camping trip just for fun - Cook a new recipe out of one of my many cookbooks twice a month - Blog more (just for you Jon!) - Visit a place we've never been - Save more, Spend less - Run the Boulder Boulder in May - Learn to do something new

So that's it. Our 2011 goals. Not very exciting but just exciting enough for me to want to do them.

Here's what Benjamin has to add to the list:

Go to the annual Team X Retreat in February - Blog more - Keep my beard until the Spring - Read more - Have dinner with Elbowz and Emmers - Hug more - Canoe trip with Leggs - Lift 800 pounds over my head

Hope you all had a Merry Holiday Season and Best Wishes for the New Year! 

Giving Thanks...

There are so many things I am thankful for but rarely acknowledge. I sat down the other night to make a list and realized how blessed by the Lord I am!

     - My Salvation - Thank you Lord for your awesome gift!

     - My Husband - I think I have the best one out there...sorry ladies :)

     - Our Family - I love being part of such a close family (this includes my in-laws too. I know that not everyone has a great relationship with theirs and I am so thankful that I do!)

     - Our New Church Family - We have been so blessed by their warmth and kindness.

     - Our current house and the Gibson Family - A huge blessing that is making it possible for us to save tons of money to hopefully purchase our own soon!

     - My husband's ministry - He is doing what he  feels called by the Lord to do and after 3 years in seminary I am thankful that He is working full-time and I don't have to! :)

     - All of our old and new friends - We have so many that we love and are sad that they live so far away but we have also been blessed with new friends here and we look forward to getting to know better!

     - That we live in such a beautiful place - When we found out we were moving to Colorado I was so excited to get to live near the mountains. I love getting to see them everyday and have really enjoyed the recent snowfall...in fact it is snowing right now!

   

There are so many more things I am thankful to God for but I wanted to close with this verse: 

Oh give thanks to the Lord, call upon His name: 

Make known His deeds among the peoples. 

1 Chronicles 16:8